[ the well of nothing ]

This is the most honest thing I've ever written and not because the other things are not true, the thing is that they always feel kinda...incomplete to me but this one, this simple lines describe it all.

The Well Of Nothing
-by rita kirwan-

I had the words, all the moments and the song
I already had the speech, trapped in someone else's tongue
But I'm quiet, I am selfish and I'm wrong
I can't run there 'cause there's not where I belong.

The rehearsals in my mind, they all ended the same way
Where I'm climbing and you're leaving, you never wanted to stay
Then the picture starts to change, everything turns into gray
And I'm choking to the silence of the words I'll never say.

But I'm trying, always trying to overcome my fears
Try to embrace to all the thoughts I always treated like "the weirds"
Just to get there, to be closer to the edge of your mind fields
But I'm falling, I keep falling into this huge well of tears.

I have friends in some dark places, in the corner of rejection
And they like me, unlike others, they have never made me a question
All the same disturbing feelings in the street of aprehension
They'll stay here, by my side, when you finally change direction.

I'm the bad one, I'm the villain, I'm the evil from the story
You're the good one, you're the hero, you're the one who takes the glory
That's a lie 'cause you don't know it, you have never read my poetry
You don't know how much I want you, so you have no need to worry.

But I can't let this thing go and I swear I have been trying
This stupid, endless hope, I want it dead but it keeps fighting
It is fighting for your name, for the name I have been dying
For the one who'll never know about the smiles, about the crying.

It's the end or the beginning, the choice is in your hands
And we could be just starting, only if you believe in signs
But that doesn't even matter, the mind does what the heart wants
And my heart wants to be part of the things your soul reminds.

I'm just dreaming, always dreaming that this shit is there for real
But it's not, has never been, this past year has been surreal
You're ignoring all I've said, you won't feel the things I feel
Even though you have to know that I'll wait, standing still.

This thing gets to me in so many different levels. I can't believe I'm crying already.
I hope you like it and I seriously hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

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